God's Puppet

Am I at the start or end of the race
where is my place in time and space
In the realms of gods and cosmic kings
What do I mean in the scheme of things
How did I begin, where lies my end
What do I love, why do I pretend
Where do I go, what do I embrace
Which pleasures, which dangers to face
When I'll know answers, will they suffice
Is there a point, or is it just a dice

Thus Spake Nietzsche

“..if we imagine that the whole incalculable store of energy used in that global tendency had been used not in the service of knowledge but in ways applied to the practical—selfish—goals of individuals and nations, universal wars of destruction and constant migrations of peoples would have enfeebled man's instinctive zest for life..”

It is almost one and half century ago that Friedrich Nietzsche made these critical comments in “The Birth of Tragedy Out of the Spirit of Music” saying in effect that it is the selfishness of the human nature that would one day bring about the genocide and it would not come as a horror or an ordeal that would make one shudder but as a necessity that people would agree on. Between self interests and a sense of fairness, it is always self interests that drive a person to act or in some case, not act in a certain way. The power of selfishness manifests itself nowhere as clearly as in collective actions. We feel more driven by a cause motivated by selfishness than ever by a cause motivated by justice or fairness. A person making choices in his/her personal life, a political outfit shifting shades and sides in a blink, a corporation’s balance sheets driving its actions in what are sometimes detrimental to the society, A country framing their foreign as well as internal policies solely on perceived self interests of what are considered the people who matter… the examples are every where. The blatancy of this is higher as they stakes get higher. There is no better example of the last scenario than governments of India and Pakistan trying since the last 60 years to hammer out a solution on Kashmir not with intent to fairly solve the problem but to do it with advantage to their respective country.

We genuinely believe that there is a difference between self-interests and selfishness and shrug off suggestions that this all consuming stress on self-interests is nothing but a half concealed euphemism for selfish needs has become ingrained in our DNA & thought process that we feel these needs are legitimate and are our right. Once this becomes a general outlook, then the only thing that stops from aforementioned genocide from happening is the limitations of executing the ideas. When those limitations are breached or perceived to be breached, we get events like say World War II, like USA’s decades old history of meddlesome foreign affairs across the world, the unreasonable veto power for the big 5 countries on UN security council, or for that matter like India’s arrogant stand on Kashmir and North East. There is no principle involved in any of this, except that of selfishness.

It is perhaps to the credit of Nietzsche that he continues to be proven closer and closer to truth with every passing day, but where does it leave us?

Laughter after Midnight

Ladies and Gentlemen, loosers and Tramps,

listen to me from deep down the swamps.

I come before you, I stand before you

to tell you the story no one ever knew.

Reason is nothing but a rabbit hole

to a hellish place that God stole

The city has decayed, painted red,

hungry as hell, it starts eating its dead.

Every morning in the middle of the night,

all the dead fellows stand up to fight.

They stand back to back, facing each other,

drawing their swords and shoot each other.

If you don't believe my lie, it's true,
the blind lady on the corner saw it too

So now as the sweet midnight is ringing in,
I say, let the feast of fools begin!

Unanswered

the question remains

in the imaginary flights my brain often took

where have gone, the gains of the rook

the question remains

in my soul now bared, a forgotten shook

why are no more the walks by the brook

the question remains

in my heart's some unknown virgin nook

was she an angel or was she a crook

the question remains

in the sins in which my being partook

what was the color of the pill I took

Travelogues : Gokarna

Gokarna was a place I had heard of only from archana, who had described her previous trip in her inimitable animated way. I had passed on the offer on a previous occasion but this time I was more than game. The number grew to 5 and for a change, we had decided the plan so much in advance that we had time to book a sleeper coach from Bangalore!

The adventure, if u can call it that, started even before we reached the place with only I making to the bus on time and others still stuck in one of the offices of the travel comp. After working a deal with the driver that he would drive the bus slow while the bus in which the other 4 are travelling catches up which finally happened after one hour into the journey at a Petrol Pump on the highway. I still remember one of the annoyed travellers asking me why I didn't tell them that the bus was being delayed for this reason and his reaction at my rather casual and terse "cse I dont need to". I'm sure he is justified in thinking of me as a spoilt young brat but in my defence I just meant that it was the driver's job to explain things to them.

After a rather smooth journey otherwise, we woke up to the our weekend and I, to the most beautiful place I've ever been to. Imagine a stretch of surprisingly clean beaches (3 of them) divided by some very treck-friendly hillocks full of greenery no doubt helped by the monsoons in between. Now, enhance that image 3 times. That is Gokarna for you. We had to cross two beaches and hillocks in between to reach to the famous 'OM' beach. Meanwhile, Sanoop lost a bet (deliberately, I doubt) and ended up treating everyone to some nice food.

Like typical backpackers, our stay was in the schacks by one of the beaches. Now, there is something about sitting on the huge rocks on a beach especially if they are some 35 feet into the sea. It was amazing how each of us found reasons and thoughts which made us sit on those rocks for hours together without speaking a word to each other. It has to be experienced to be believed. The two days were dominated by just lazing around on and around the beach, not to discount the treck on the paths so narrow that they would put to shame any size zero models' waist, at the edge of the hills over looking the sea from 50 feet above. Any person who sees those pics has without an exception thought it was some 'phoren' beach and that says a lot about it. We were so enamoured by the place that with in two days of returning to good old bangalore, we were thinking of travelling to that place again. Ofcourse that didn't work out, courtesy our conflicting schedules. May be the magic in the trip was that I never went there again. Will try to figure that at soon.

Some utterly useless trivia as a parting shot: the rock band lounge piranha's song 'Clear blue' was apparently inspired by their trips to Gokarna and the beauty of the place.

P.S.- Finally got some photos from my old flicker account. So now a litle more for your viewing

Karma, Koffee & Kosmos

It was more than an year ago that Archana and I had a discussion over Karma Vs Chance while holidaying in Goa. It was dej'avu time when I had a similar conversation with her again recently. Only instead of a beach, it was in a crowded CCD in Bangalore.

Through the law of karma, the effects of all deeds actively create past, present, and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life. This is the basic idea of Karma and a minor variation of the concept of 'Determinism'. It implies that Nothing happens to you with out a reason or without a consequence. My view is that some things happen entirely by a much underrated and undercredited phenomenon called chance. The formation of earth and the evolution of humans it self is a series of accidents which happened by chance. Like our earth being hit by the asteroids in K-T period without which dinosaurs might still be the dominant species.

I might do certain things which might not be of any consequence to me, like my throwing a banana peel on the road. It might have a consequence for some body else who steps on it, but not necessarily for me. Sure, we can say that it was the person's karma who steps on the peel but how does it concern me, the Doer of the deed ? What 'Karma' also implies is that there is cycle of cause and effect. However, this poses a problem with this 'cse if every act has a cause and effect, where does the cycle begin and end? It cannot, according to the concept of Karma as every deed WILL have a consequence. It is generally accepted the universe started with the Big Bang. If we go by the same logic, even that must be a consequence of some thing which we have no clue of. “Then why don’t you go an commit crimes when you don’t believe in karma?”, she shot back. My answer is that I believe I cannot get away with committing a crime due to the law of the land. Karma is a lot like that belief, more of a deterrent than anything else but an ultimate deterrent at that. But like any deterrent, it becomes obsolete the moment I believe it to be non-existent.

However, there are a lot of unknowns in this universe that are not explained by science yet. Karma might be an easy explanation to some such unknowns. But like Sherlock Holmes says, every problem has a simple, quick and wrong answer. Any idea as it is said, must be taken as a supposition. Only after all the doubts are cleared, (after due diligence, in Management parlance) will it become a proposition. Karma, is an idea that due to the nature of the concept itself, can always be a supposition at the best. I, would rather choose to be a wary skeptic than to take an idea as fuzzy as this on face value.

Apocalypse Never !

The media in the last few days is full of the images of the terrorists as well the terrorized in Mumbai. Every body has an opinion on what the government should have done and should be doing now, on what is right and what is wrong. For a person set to start his career in Mumbai soon, I've felt the repercussions too, though no where near the magnitude of the people affected by the incident directly.

Just as the news of the beaten-to-pulp English cricket team's decision to abandon their tour of India poured in, I've also started hearing some in family asking me to try and look for safer places to live in. The trigger to both these reactions is the same. A sense of panic. And this is exactly what these acts aim to achieve. Saying that all this is not scary will be straight faced lie. But the moment I change my course of plans owing to these acts, I begin to live a little less of my life and doing what is expected from a person at some one else's mercy. In a sense, I become a puppet where my next move is decided by an unknown master. It is this state of indirect dependency and paranoia that is the ultimate goal of these attacks and there in also lies a way forward. A lot of damage has been caused already, why should I add to the satisfaction of the perpetrators by dancing to their tune? An act of violence of this nature is not just about the act, but more about the aftermath of it. A city/state/country which can spring back after a setback is one which will endure the judgment day as well. Of what use is terrorism if it doesn't result in terror?

P.S. :- I just caught the news of English team coming back for the test series. Would have loved if they would have played in Mumbai. But this certainly is the way to go.. :)

The Holy Land

Memories rush back of that beautiful place,
the sacred land protected by amazing grace.
Spent the time of our lives under the dark sky,
wishing for the beyond and expecting to fly.
Shouted out the things we never could talk,
aimed for the stars, what if we missed the mark?
A longing for the unknown ruled our restless hearts,
imagination spurning the wisdom the past often imparts.
The happiness would remain and so would the scars,
the moments so myriad to fill many such memoirs.
A medley of bliss, euphoria, distress and pain,
a life so myriad I wanna live it all over again.

Angels and Bastards

This is something I was always planning to write. My journey of the past 15 months. Lessons learnt, relationships made and broken, happy hours and restless nights, intellectuals and psuedo intellectuals, angels and bastards...

Coming to MICA was perhaps my way escaping the reality. The atmosphere did seem surreal at the beginning and the feeling got more acute with time. Fitting into a new place is not always easy but that was not the difficult part here. Adjusting to the ever changing behaviors and misplaced idiosyncracies however, was. The long walks in the night seemingly drived my life and it was as though the life source was sapped along with the abrupt end of those walks. Unrest replaced my once serene mind and life would be never as good again.

U never know when u click with people who become your best friends. This time It happened online at 2'0 clock on an otherwise boring September night by chance. After more than an year and a zillion mugs of coffee and countless hours of cribbing and complaining later, I believe Mishu is one person who I can always count on ( though not on sticking to coffee plans :) ).

A family away from family, i thought was a phrase that has no literal meaning. But here I am, a part of the first family of PGPCME. A family with all the trappings of a 'K' serial from scheming couples to spurned lovers. The proceedings could not have gotten more dramatic. What would I remember from here?? Lot of them, some good some not so. The shared Maggi n fried rice [courtesy Niki], the mid night movie shows [Karzzzz...!!], the saturday night eat outs, hogging the biryani meant for the whole 'family' [that would be me and Nimit :P], gettin beaten up for doing that, the trip to West Bengal, getting lost in the marshy jungles of Sunderban, assignments shared, fruitbeer and manekchowk in the late night, broken dreams and reality checks, taking the brunt for some one else, pouring my heart out to Mishu on terrace, just being there for each other, the list would go on.

It wasn't all angels and saints though. Some don't waste an opportunity to backstab, perhaps it is a way of life for a few. Hollowness and indifference were to be found in the most unexpected and unlikliest places. I don't know if experience makes a person better or bitter, don't even know if it has made me a different person. But I have learnt. To introspect, to give, to forgive, to apologize, to explain, to enjoy, to endure, to assimilate, to be what I am. whatever I will be tomorrow, I would owe part of that to every one who taught me how to be and how not to be, every one who loved me and hurt me, every one I liked and hated.

I would like to read this one day once i detach myself from the events here, would I still be thinking this way? Would I be more bitter? May be I would laugh it away but the feelings and views don't matter much when expressed at a wrong time and this, is the right time for these ramblings.

For Your Fake

They believe you are a saint, a star shining bright,
the proverbial Abel, an angel dressed in white.
Your true colors are so well hidden by this light,
The hollowness that is your core, a ghastly sight.

Convenience decides your friends and brothers,
in the absence of deciet, your heart shakes and cowers.
Manipulations to add one more to your lovers,
Pretensions and lies among so many others.

The ones sorrounding you don't have a single clue,
one question would remain once they start to construe.
How Fake can one be? the answer lies precisely in you.

In spite of another fake denial, You know its all true.

Just before the end

I have seven days. 7 days of lazy stupor and 7 sleepless nights. May be a little more than that but that's not gonna change anything. Not gonna make any difference to any damn thing. The time left will be dense with anger and disappointment with self and with every one around, a sense of what might have been, utter helplessness and a possibly misplaced feeling of injustice. I don't have any pretensions of knowing what I'm doing or what I want all the time. Wanting the improbable has always been one of my most disturbing traits. But this time, perhaps to indicate my descent into hitherto unknown areas of love and pain, I now crave for the impossible. The lost innocence, the forgotten yesterday, stars in the noon, the moon in my hands, the love of my life, life after death. All of them equally impossible. Some one had told me,"the more impossible the things you wish for, the less will be the hurt when you don't get them." It was a lie. I had to learn it the harder way and worse, I feel the ordeal has just started.

I have more things to worry about as well. What after the seven days? How would it be like? Is it gonna be like a vacuum, will it suck me in like a black hole? How would I fill the void? or is the afterworld a better place for my restless heart? Too many questions, I know. Questions are all I ever had and their answers have more often than not, ended up being more questions. May be the answers have been there all the time and I just didn't look at them. May be I even knew the answers all along but didn't want to admit. But if I had seen the answers, I don't remember them anymore. After pouring down the excess thought flow in my brain into a full page of incoherent words, even now 'm no closer to the answers. And I have no new questions popping up. That should have calmed me but strangely I'm more disturbed now. This just seems like an indication, an omen that doesn't give any better comfort in coming days. But there is only one direction my train of thought is gonna take and I don't see the end of the tunnel any sooner.

The Epic

,

The story well known, stood the test of time,
The moral admired, the brute paid for his crime.
Living the story, I see the curious peep in
and wonder aloud, with a heart now maudlin.
“why am I now the devil? wasn't one to begin with”
Isn't that how legends are made, part truth part myth.
"I had my reasons, what if no one understands"
Why then search for her in memory's wastelands?
So went the two beings in me on a rhetorical debate
in a visceral battle that never wants to abate.
Can't seem to hold on against this assault on my senses.
Shouldn't the pain be any less even for all my offences?
The king of clubs no more, all I'm is a vagrant
left pondering about the skewed tint of judgement.
That's when a familiar banished soul said, as if on cue,
truth, my brother, is just another point of view.

Travelogues : Hampi

This entry goes to a certain big-eyed girl from God's own country.. and the midnight conversation that led me back to blogging.

The trip to Hampi is one i would remember as the first i took with archana and ranjana (and two other friends) who would go on to become frequent partners in crime during the course of the next 14~15 months. We went to Hampi, a place steeped in history as well as mythology with not many expectations and even thought that 3 days in this place would be boring also. Were we proved wrong and HOW !

An over night bus journey from Bangalore via Hospet took us to the ruins of Hampi. After some initial fiddling around we crossed the river to get some accommodation. It was as though we stepped into a different time and space altogether. From a place which almost got left behind in time four centuries ago, we stepped into a place which had more foreigners than Indians, exotic food and make-shift restaurant/pubs playing trance like there is no tomorrow. The next two days were divided between long bicycle rides in the scorching heat, early morning and evening trecks to the 'monkey temple', the Hanuman temple on a hill, visiting the ruins, crossing the river on foot and some impromptu rock climbing inside a cave that purportedly was documented from the Ramayana times, no kidding.


Lassi at 7am for arch, listening to the gypsy travelers play guitar sitting on the huge rocks, the awesome Israeli cuisine, listening to the stories related the Ramayana supposedly to have taken place at the same place are the thoughts that are fresh in my head. This trip whet my appetite for both travel and photography and was a perfect start for the trips that were to follow.

Post note : Most of the Israeli tourists there normally travel right after the compulsory 3-year military service. One of these young travelers put their point of view succinctly when he said, "(Once you join the army)For three years, you belong to the army. After you are done, you belong neither to the army nor to your family. You just wander"

Wander the World

Thats the answer that came involuntarily to me when ever asked the question "What would you do if you had $10 million?" or any such similar sounding pointless queries. Travelling has always been a fascination. So has been photography. Luckily, they like each other's company and 'm not one to complain. 've often wondered if my fetish towards traveling is a way of exploring the unknown or escaping the dreary routine. I figured its a bit of both and many more unfathomable reasons. I've decided to stop decoding the reasons and enjoy the journey where ever it takes me. From the least known beaches in Goa to little Israel in Karnataka to the water logged mazes of Sunderban in Wbengal.

From experience, i figured that travel works out best when it is unplanned. That way there is more room for surprises and luckily more often than not they ended up being pleasant ones (Still cant forget the trip from blore to Goa. We decided after reaching the bus station that we would go 2 Goa!!). Getting lost in the tiger infested Sunderbans, travelling on the top of a bus, the beautiful beaches of Gokarna have all been experiences that I as well as the others involved would never forget. Each of these trips deserve a separate post and so this only works as a motivation for me to talk about those trips ( yeah! they have been 'trips' of all kinds)
More to follow...

Sunshine

All around me are familiar faces,
but the heart, like it's deserted for ages.
smiles like sunshine, she runs with my mind,
and i spend my nights wishing for a rewind.
'was a momentary loss of common sense,
and 'm for ever waiting by the fence.
Is this a mask mask or was it before?
is the question that rankles me more..

Lingo Kid

Youtube hosts a video titled 'lingo kid' which has been doing rounds these days. This video shows a 9 year old kid off the streets of Bombay selling paper fans to tourists from all parts of the world by speaking in over 10 languages ranging from Turkish to German to Chinese. Yes, this does make for an entertaining view. This kid is celebrated in the Youtube forums for his command over languages. While the messages echo the vain sentiments about his "absolute Genius" and "the advanced areas of his amazing human brain", the very fact that this kid has to earn his living and the apparent lack of acknowledgement of this fact makes one think about the enormous talent gone waste, about the acceptance of the lack of education for children as a part of life or rather the rule of life in India. Was this kid's problem that he happens to be in the wrong time and the wrong place? It is these notions of India being the wrong place that needs to be eliminated from the collective conscious of the nation's population. The right for education is some thing every person deserves irrespective of anything else. Education alone cannot solve all the problems the country faces, but it is the best starting point. While we debate on this, what rankles me is what this kid might have become.

the video link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PrleqeCAPw&eurl=http://www.orkut.co.in/FavoriteVideos.aspx?uid=16777192906584047623

Gunshots and Floored catches..

Ok.. we are in a new year and that is better how ? After partying hard well into the early morning hours of Jan 1st, i had to drag my self to my class by 10'0 clock.. class on Jan 1st ?? yeah.. welcome to MICA..

A lot of people spend their entire lives without any adventure.. Luckily, we have a lot of that here. Ever had gunshots fired at you 'cse you were too noisy? yup.. that was the reason! we were NOISY. So we get to be shot right ? ..and what do we do about that ? N O T H I N G.. If y ou haven't guessed why, then either you have never lived in India or you are way too dumb. Arrogance.. The arrogance that comes with undeserved power. The losers that we are, we conveniently forget about the whole incident from our subconscious, like it never happened.. Hmm.. thats a great way of looking at it right. And people think 'm unnecessarily cynical.

Before I could conclude " It happens only in India", we have another brilliant example of the display of arrogance at some distant part of the world where "Holier than thou" Mr. Ponting has set an example by
Claiming a floored catch. (One look at this pic and u can say that he knew what he was doing)
Deciding that Harbhajan was racially abusing his fellow countryman ( what.. the referee decided ? ehm.. okay, u need a reality check).
Come to think of it. Its funny. An Indian accused of racially abusing an Australian!! 'm sure the next time some body calls him "white" even that can be termed under racial abuse..

All this crap goes on.. now, one thought thats on my mind. Is it in the persons or in the position he/she is in ? Is power so corrupting ? A high court Lawyer(corrupt, undoubtedly) from India and a captain of the best cricketing side in the world. What else makes them react the same way ?
What ever it is , I wanna try it...